Sex Toy Review 3: The Waterproof Glass Vibrator

As promised, this is the toy that made everyone raise an eyebrow. Go take a look at the Waterproof Glass Vibrator over at Vibrators.com and then come back. Go on, I’ll wait.

In the first place, it’s glass, so there’s absolutely zero give, and then there are those pink beads on the shaft, which are definitely raised up enough to make an impression. On top of that, there’s an upturned bit on the end that’s designed to be a g-sport stimulator, and on top of that, it vibrates. All told, that’s a lot of toy!

Both Miss Rat and Helpful Boyfriend shared my concerns about this particular toy, but then when I was at a kink event the other week, someone I met there absolutely raved about it. She thought it was the best thing ever.* Looking over at the site, it’s got a lot of great reviews, too.

First, let’s talk about structure. This dildo is essentially a glass sleeve that fits snugly over a standard silver vibrating dildo with the use of two rubber bands. Out of curiousity, I popped the sleeve off, breaking the vacuum seal, and the dildo fit only loosely over the vibe until Helpful Boyfriend figured out that you needed to roll the rubber bands over in a certain way to get the vibe to stick in the sleeve again.

This is not a gentle warm-up toy. Let’s get that out upfront. I’ve found its girth challenging, and the bumps make it kind of harsh to me. I think to someone who was built wider than I am in the vagina would do better with this toy. You can really feel every single bump, especially when you are thrusting with it, and no amount of lube really makes that go away. The size of it made the g-spot stimulation part of actual painful when I tried to move it around at all, so I gave up on that pretty fast.

In terms of vibration power, I would say this toy is about a medium, but it is definitely worth noticing that thanks to the slight rattle of the vibe inside the glass, this toy can get loud!**

I think the vibe, for me at least, is definitely going to be more of a special occasions toy. It takes some warm-up, and the bumps are tough if you’re not in the mood for that kind of sensation. I found myself wishing this toy was skinnier, just so it could slide a little more easily, and this was after lots of lube.

I liked it best when I was using it with some kind of clitoral stimulation. Over all, my thought is that this toy is trying to do a lot of different things, and only succeeding moderately with any of them. This is definitely the right choice for people who want more and then more than that, and apparently tonight, that’s not me.

In other non-sex toy related new, I cannot stop writing. There is so much writing. There is so much writing due before December 1st that I’m actually a little freaked out. On one hand, money good. On the other hand, that weird fear of having my fingers fall off, less good.

Coming Soon:
My Fingers Do Not Fall Off
The Three Best Men’s Panties Sites I Use for Soft Core Porn
Reading Erotica, Writing It, and Then Seeing It In the Wild

*One of the nice things about this toy being as distinctive as it is is that you can recognize its description after about four words. Glass, vibrator, and pink bumps are basically all you need.
**If my neighbors are going to fight at all hours of the night, I get to do this.

Sex Toy Review 2: The Stainless Steel Butt Plug

So here we are on another Monday with another sex toy to test! This one is the Stainless Steel Butt Plug, provided once again by the cool people over at Vibrators.com.

The first thing I realized upon pulling it out of the box was, wow, I’ve had jewelry that didn’t come in boxes so nice. You get a lovely metal and resin case with a molded foam lining for this toy, and since it was a nice afternoon at Miss Rat’s apartment when I opened it, the sun actually glinted off of it as I opened the lid. Seeing as I am not really someone who gets turned on by good packaging* it’s probably time to move to the toy itself.

First, it’s heavy. I think that’s the main virtue of this toy. Otherwise, it’s your very basic garden-variety anal plug with a rather narrow tapered head and a good pinch above the base to make sure that it locks tight to the body. This is a good thing, however, as it allows you to focus on the main point of the toy, which is the material that it is made from. The steel is impressively dense and completely unyielding. Word of advice to anyone with eyes bigger than their stomach, lube is your friend. It is totally worth using more lube than you think you need with this toy, even though the steel does mean that it’s a very smooth slide once you start inserting it.

Like all metal toys, it’s great for temperature play. Wrapping it up in a heating pad can actually make it shockingly hot, so just adjust for your own personal taste. So far, I’ve not played with cold, but it’s on the list of things to try. It also picks up vibrations very well if you have a powerful vibrator to touch to the base, and it transfers the vibes nicely to the rest of your body.

It’s worth mentioning that the base is a ball, rather than being flattened. It makes sitting down with this plug inserted quite interesting, but it is far from impossible. Between the weight and the ball-shaped base, you cannot forget that this toy is there.**

This is not a terribly challenging anal toy if you are already used to a smaller plug or to using fingers. The shape and the steel make insertion a breeze, and the neck of the toy is narrow enough that you do not have to worry about pushing it out accidentally. Once again, the weight is the thing, and it makes for a very different sensation if you are only used to light silicone.

All in all, I like this toy a lot. It’s exactly as advertised, it seems well-made, it’s comfortable to wear, and I think it’s a lot of fun.

In other news, I got my 10k word novella off to Ellora’s Cave, so Frog willing and the crick don’t rise, it will be for sale by the new year. Now I just have to write them another one. I’m actually under contract, and apparently, for me, being under contract means writing like there’s a sword hanging over my head All. Month.

Coming Soon:
Where Is the Sleepy Hollow Fanfic, Give It To Me!
Daylight Savings, or That Time I Got Up Willingly Before 10 AM
The Toy That Made Everyone Make the Same Face

*Okay, a little. I only get turned on by packaging a little.
**Sadistic/bratty tops take note.

Sex Toy Review 1: The Leaf Vibrator

At some point after I got my try-out toys from Vibrators.com, I turned to Miss Rat and said, “Oh, wait, I’m gonna have to write these reviews, aren’t I?”

“Yes… yes you are.”

I’ve talked extensively about sex and how I do it in person* but I don’t think I’ve ever written about it before, so I’m gonna take a deep breath and do my best to tread the fine line between “responsible product review” and “overshare.”

So getting started this Monday morning, the Leaf!

First, this is a fancy toy. It looks abstract enough that I could probably get it through airport security by pretending it was a specialty juicer of some sort,** and when I balanced it on my hand, it looked like some kind of green living ad. The green color is very citrus-y for those of you who are in to that, and it’s rechargeable, which is a lot of what I look for these days when it comes to vibes of any sort. There’s a very subtle button right above the plug in that lights up when you press it, and that’s how you turn it on. Handily enough, three quick clicks of the button locks and unlocks the toy, so that you cannot turn it on by accident.

The shape was what drew me to it originally, and when I saw it, I immediately thought “ergonomic.” This probably varies from person to person, but on me, the curve fits very well, running from clitoris to anus.*** Once it was fitted to my body, my particular anatomy does require me to hold in place with a little pressure, but overall, comfy.

I spent some time figuring out the controls. Basically, you press the button down until you reach a vibration level that you like, and for those of us who like strong sensation, it goes from gentle to tooth-chattering. It’s pretty quiet, so I don’t think I gave my neighbors a “what the hell is she doing now?!” moment.

First, what I liked about the Leaf Vibrator. It’s rechargeable, the shape fits me really well, and the vibration is intense. I was left oddly cold by it, though, and I think this is definitely meant for someone who loves vibrations spread over the entire area affected, not necessarily for someone who likes concentrated vibration in one place. That said, it can be held in place loosely with a pair of panties, or, if you are into rope bondage, it could get tied into place very easily. To me, it feels very much like a teasing toy, which is great if that’s what you want.

My only issue with the Leaf is that it’s a little difficult to vary level of vibration when it’s actually on you. I’ve been spoiled by my Lelo and my Hitachi, I think. One sustained click of the button turns the Leaf on and sets the volume of vibration, while another click turns it off. Another sustained click will keep it going and increases the vibration. It takes a bit of pressure to make the button depress, however, and that gave me a little pinch while it was on my clitoris. There’s no way to back the vibration off without turning the vibe off and starting over. This may lead to a lot of stopping and starting if you have stiffness or joint damage in your hands. However, if you like a lot of fine control over how much vibration you get, this might be a good toy for you.

Overall, I liked it. I don’t know if it will become one of my favorite toys, but it’s definitely a good supplementary device when I’m using other things as well.

Coming Soon:
I Swear I Am Writing Things
My Favorite Erotic Stories 2013
Longer and Harder: Why I Suck at Writing Novels

*To the 3rd shift waitress at the Perkins in Champaign, I truly hope you found my half-awake chatter about phone sex to be interesting, or at least that my tips cushioned my social awkwardness.
**I am not saying they would believe me, just that we all agree to continue as we were.
***My inner erotica writer says I could have phrased that better. Meh. It’s Monday.

What’d I Miss?

So after a long, long hiatus, we’re back on track, and I’ve got a fair chunk of news!

In the first place, November and December are going to be taken up with writing two novellas for Ellora’s Cave. They accepted my vampire romance, and now I get to write two more for a triple release. I’m pretty excited, because I get to write stories and have some assurance that I will be making money off of them.

The vampire romance features two characters I like quite a bit, and they’re kind of messed up in the way that I think living forever makes you. One of the stories is going to be a very D/s encounter with the vampire who brought Daniel over originally, and the other is going to be a fairy captive story, though some part of me really wants to get very dark and make it a Prince Heathen retelling.*

One thing I am quite excited over is the fact that I will soon be doing sex toy reviews for the site, Vibrators.com. Every single dealing I’ve ever had with the folks there has been pleasant and supportive, and when the opportunity came up, I was pretty thrilled. I’m going to be getting the first three toys soon, and if you’re familiar with this blog at all, you can generally expect that I am going to be pretty blunt about what I like and don’t like. Also, you can probably expect a fair amount of trial, error and accident because, well, it’s me, and there’s no reason to do a thing gracefully when you can flail at it like a seal on dry land.

Let’s see, erotica writing has taken a bit of a back seat to the new phase of my career, where I’m a for-real freelancer with clients and everything. I’m hoping to get back in the swing of things because I have like eight or nine stories that are more or less fully plotted in my head, and four or five more that are about halfway done on the computer.

I’ve also realized that I’m a full time writer with two kinda-functional laptops. Thank god for friends with spare laptops and who will bully me into getting a new machine sooner rather than later, though. As a matter of fact, I am off to do that now, so yes, there will be a functional spacebar key in my future, yeeeeeeesssss.

Coming Soon:
Insertions and Musings
Sex Diaries: I THINK This Was a Good Idea
Vampire Sexy Times
Wait, What Erotica Do I Actually Like?

*The fact that I hesitated because this particular ballad is too dark should probably tell you something.

Blog Tour: Seductress

Seductress Cover

When it comes to succubi, I’m an easy sell. There’s something terrifying and wonderful about someone who comes when you call, who knows your desires better than you do, and is willing to play those desires like a violin. That’s what I think when I think about succubi, anyway, and when D. L. King released a call for succubus stories, I couldn’t resist.

I started off with a few different ideas. I had one about two succubi in love, another about a succubi and a European Crusader, and yet another about a particularly scholarly succubi who lurked in a university library. I wrote a bit on all of these things, but nothing stuck until I came up with the line that starts “After a Fall,” my contribution for Seductress.

During the long days of autumn in Hell, the blood rivers grow sluggish and even Caras, Hell’s great heart, beats more slowly.

That was how Aquila, the narrator of what is one of my favorite stories to date, opens the story. Aquila is a pride demon, one that others call Pride’s favorite son, and when it comes to discussions of which of the seven deadly sins is the most worthy, he has no doubt at all that it is his.

Of course, he makes the mistake of mentioning this to the new Queen of Lust, and she decides to test his resolve. Pride and lust are a fine match for one another, and by the end, Aquila has a new understanding of both.

Aquila was charming, both to me, and I suspect, to the Queen of Lust herself. It was less like writing than taking dictation, and the first time he spoke to the Queen of Lust, I knew exactly how the story was going to end.

As for the Queen herself, there was only so much I could say about her given that Aquila was firmly doing the talking. The story of how she killed her predecessor and came to her rank is one I hope I get a chance to tell some day, as is the one where she became a succubus in the first place.

You should read this story if you like arrogant men taken down a notch, willing, if not terribly intelligent surrender, word play, and some time spent in a Hell full of highly politicized devils.

You can pick up a copy of Seductress at Amazon or Barnes and Noble!

Make Them Talk

One thing I’ve noticed over the last few years of writing is that I have some characters that talk and others that don’t. Oh sure, they’re all capable, they can all form the words with their mouth, but some of them are way less forthcoming than others.

Verity from Lord of Misrule is incredibly chatty, but Iskander from the same story? Not so much. As in, I was playing around writing a story from his point of view, and it was sort of… resentful and stiff? Not pleasant to write, and god only knows how it would be to read.

Maksim, who I’m writing about currently (20k and it might end up being twice that) is talkative about some things, less about others. Of course, that story is all about the “others.”

I’ve run into lots of problems because I want to write characters who don’t talk. Miss Rat and the Long Suffering Girlfriend have heard me muttering about it, and when it gets to the point where you kind of have to brutalize them to get them to talk, there is something wrong.* Just about everything I have gotten published has been characters who talk, or who don’t mind talking. Even Padraic, from Under the Skin, talks, though it’s a lot more of an apologetic question than a statement, if that makes any sense.

Solution? Write more characters that talk.

I’ve still not figured out yet what makes a character talk. I do know that most of the characters that don’t have too much in their minds to want to talk much. Most of their minds are taken up with clutter, junk, and damage. Most of the ones that do talk have the space to talk, and in the case of Verity and Maksim, are characters that will talk even if they’re alone. **

If anyone has any tips on getting characters to talk, or even how to make characters that talk, I’m all ears.

At the moment, writing a lot, thinking about how to prepare for winter in Milwaukee***, writing some more, and watching lots of anime.
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Coming Soon:
Maksim and Seraphim, or Another Romance That Isn’t
My Love Affair With the Oxford Comma
Onion Soup and Milk Bread
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*I have no problems brutalizing my characters, it’s just when brutality gets no results that I start having issues.
**Neither of them are entirely well characters, but still.
***Frozen vegetables, closing the windows, hiding in a hole.

Dropping In, Running Out, Screaming Arrrrrrrrghh

Okay, let’s see what we’ve got going on.

Now Available!

Under the Skin over at Torquere Books
Cyberpunk caper involving a shy engineer and a far-too-ambitious businessman. It’s set in Nagoya, Japan somewhere in the not-terribly likely future, and if you like my story from Queerpunk, chances are good that you’ll like this one. My favorite bit is that the least likely character gets to save the day. Go buy it, and get other people to buy it. I will give you kisses.*

Have a review of Under the Skin over at Tam’s Reads.

Coming Soon!

A Long Time Dreaming over at Circlet Press
Piece of short fiction revolving around the Sleeping Beauty story. It’s short, but I really like it. I wrote it when I was utterly mad, and I believe I muttered something to Miss Rat about making other people pay to read my crazy. I think it worked out a lot better than that kind of muttering usually does.**

Lucky Boy, in the anthology Kept Against His Will: Taken By Force II
I have no memory of writing this. When I got the acceptance, I was completely confused. Happy, but confused. Upon reading it, I can tell you that a nameless narrator gets close and personal with the man he’s holding hostage. It’s me, so you can expect a fair amount of nastiness and fucked-up people. I spoil you all, really.

In Other News!

Got mugged by a novel idea the other day. It took my free time and my lunch money. I was hungry.

Writing away like a happy clam on Maksim, who’s turning into one of the sweetest, chattiest characters I have written about ever. I’m waiting to show this story to Miss Rat only to discover that he’s actually pure megalomaniac evil, but so far, 18,000 words in and I still think he’s sweet at least.

I need to go grocery shopping. Who knew that eating food would mean that I have to go buy new food?
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Coming Soon:
Characters Who Talk and Those Who Don’t
Driving the Creative Process With a Carrot and a Stick
Kannan Feng Posts Regularly, Damn It
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*Quantities limited!
**I’m pretty sure that kind of muttering was what got me the bed I have now. I bought it, and then failed entirely to recognize it when it was delivered. ***
***Me to Delivery Guy: “Whoa, so that’s what I’m going to be sleeping on now.”

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