In French, it is called “Poisson d’Avril” or “April Fish”

I’m going to say flat out that I suck at April Fool’s Day.*

This was going to be a post about the erotic stories I was planning to write. Of course they would all be ludicrous, we’d all have a laugh, and maybe I would go make myself a sandwich.

I started writing the list and about halfway down, I realized that it wasn’t really a joke. I’d probably write all of these.

So in lieu of ridiculous erotic fiction that I would never write, have a list of ridicious erotic fiction that I would probably write because, well, I’m kind of a masochist that way.

Gears of Love
Sal is the pirate captain of the airship Cantarella and upon boarding an English ship, she takes possession of a lusty British schoolmarm. They sail the brazen steampunk skies, defying the Dutch East India Company and having sex in corsets.

Iskander Keeps On Yelling at Verity
The logical, lusty sequel to Strange Intentions. By this point, Iskander realizes that shouting at someone who never listens is practically foreplay and spends 40,000 words just telling Verity what’s wrong with him.

No Kill Shelter Blues
Carter is a man who’s been stricken with the curse of the weredog. Every full moon, he turns into a border collie/Lab mix and roams the streets of Milwaukee. A prank call gets him taken to the animal shelter where he makes the acquaintance of a lusty vet tech.

Love in the 900’s
A librarian meets the lusty ghost of a Civil War soldier haunting the erotic diary of a Illinois judge. Threesomes where two of the parties are dead, inappropriate use of library carts, and a surprising absence of paper cuts.

Did You Miss Me?
An assassin comes back for his high school reunion only to realize that the teacher that he had a crush on was once the notorious contract assassin known in the business as “Eyebrows.” Old secrets are exposed, old enemies come to town, bullets go flying and the lusty main character wonders whether he has a future with someone who made him read Ethan Frome.**

Coming Soon:
-Four Things That I Wish Had Never Inspired Me
-Five Things I Do That Have Nothing to Do With Writing
-Three Reasons I Do Enumerative Posts

*In the interest of being fair, I also suck at playing the clarinet, speaking Vietnamese, making Vietnamese food and writing characters that don’t have at least a few screws loose.

** I must have watched Grosse Pointe Blank fifty times in my life.


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