Boo! Booooooooo!

Ideally, the subject line should be said just like the old woman says it in the Princess Bride, when she’s yelling at Buttercup for giving up on her true love.*

While my own sense of shame is pretty small, there are some things that I regret during the course of writing erotica. I don’t know if other erotica writers or artists feel the same way or if I’m all alone on a limb out here, but I thought I’d list them because, wow, do I love lists.

Barbie Dolls
You know that game where you have two naked Barbies and you smash them together like they’re having sex? Yeah, I’ve written stories like that and I don’t want to do it again. Plastic characterization, no plots, and there’s a surprisingly lot of noisy banging.

Defaulting to White
I’m not Caucasian, I don’t live in a particularly Caucasian city, and I have a love of history that spans most of the eastern hemisphere, so why did I write so many Caucasian characters? It’s not like I don’t know that there are people of other races out there. The vast majority of the characters in my erotica are white, and I am in the process of working on that.

Word Choice
Two words, actually: “sex lips.” I think I wrote that one when I was sleep deprived and when I went back over it later, sitting in a living room surrounded by other people, I muttered the words “sex lips” in confusion and disbelief. I mutter pretty loud, and my friends have long memories. Enough said.

Bad Housekeeping***
It’s like I can work on writing sexy stories or cleaning my apartment, but not both at the same time. I am not habitually a tidy person, and when deadlines loom, sweeping, cooking and scrubbing get dumped outside the door. Again, working on improving this one.

Lack of Character Description
Okay, confession time. In many cases, I have no idea what my characters look like. I have a list of attributes and a general attractiveness rating, I know where the scars go, and whether they’ve got data ports embedded in their bodies. However, I could probably walk past my characters on the street without noticing them.**** Hanging around with visual people has helped.

So do you have any bad writing habits? I know mine aren’t universal, and I am fascinated by what haunts other people.
Coming Soon:
Visual Pornography and Me
The Sexiest Cities
Sex Words That Lose All Meaning If You Say Them Too Often.
*You know, it would have be a difficult thing to do right, but I have always been pissed that they cut Buttercup’s Crowning Moment of Awesome at the end of the movie, when she shouts down the guardsmen and everyone gets away. **
**You can’t yell at me for spoilers on the Princess Bride. The novel came out in 1973 and the movie came out in 1987.
***If this were a magazine, I would totally subscribe.
****Except Verity. Everyone notices Verity.


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